My goal this year is to slow down and enjoy the ride. 2017 was a crazy ride! We moved across an ocean and I had to deal with the emotional strain that caused everyone in our family. The move was 100% the right decision, but it wasn't at all easy. I powered through to finish my Master's Degree. There were lots of long nights and never a moment where I felt I wasn't falling behind.
My stress level was at an all time high, but I learned to keep focused on my belief that all this hard work would take my family and I to an amazing new place.
2018 is that place and it feels like this will be the year where we will finally be able to take a deep breath as a family and enjoy life.
Last night, we went to a trampoline park that had "ninja course". Our little Jerry came home to us last year. He is a fighter who is always trying to prove that he is strong and belongs in our family. He can be oppositional and argumentative always fighting to be heard. Parenting him can be so tricky, like walking on a balance beam. On one side, we have to teach him to self-regulate his emotions while being respectful to those around him. On the other, his strength is his persistence and determination. Parenting him is a constant balance, which is pretty hard!
However, there are moments where you see his shear determination in action! Last night, on the rock wall, we saw this side of him and were so proud. Nothing is going to stop Jerry! He is so determined and we know that despite his background and the trauma he has endured as a result of foster care, he is going to do amazing things!
I took a moment to block out the world and just watch Jerry take on the rock wall and I am so glad that I did.
I promise to treat you kindly.
I promise to treat you as my temple, my vessel to all the wonderful adventures of my life!
I promise to not deprive you of anything.
You will get the right amount water, carbs, fats, proteins, and veggies each day.
I don’t need to my muscles bulge and I have no reason to push you to any ridiculous limits.
I just promise to move with you each day in healthy ways.
I will keep our heart beating, muscles stretching, and joints moving.
You will be the window between what people see on the outside and what truly shines on the inside.
We are where we are right now and that is beautiful
But the time has come to slowly improve and to build a better working relationship.
We have been working against each other and the time has become to unite to ensure our happiness.
No crash diets, no fad, so quick and easy.
Just a promise that we will work together from now on so we can live a long and happy life
Today I Vlog for all my other gay dads out there! In Portland this weekend, the pride parade will held on Father’s Day. Like many Pride Parades, our lifestyle will be in full display. Beautiful men and women will be celebrating our right to exist without persecution while also celebrating the amazing gains that have been made in the past few decades on the backs of so many men and women who had to live in scary and shameful closets of uncertainty and hate. I am so proud and happy of our gay community and seeing as Pride falls on Father’s Day I just want to make sure that a little light from the sun and rainbows shine on gay mom and dads this weekend.
We aren’t as visible anymore. Our club days are behind us. We can no longer party till all hours because at the crack of dawn our doors will open and the pitter-patter of little feet will come into our rooms oblivious to any hangover or shenanigans from the night before.
Our washboard abs have given way to washing machines and Dad bods.
We cannot necessarily recount every episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race or Real Houewives but could tell you all about Daniel Tiger, Wild Cratts, Odd Squad, and random YouTube videos of kids playing video games.
Glitter is still very much a part of our lives but more from a desperate stuggle to vacuum it up rather that actually wearing it!
You won’t find as often on the dance floors, go go boy boxes, or stages breaking it down to our favorite diva anthems but we are driving bleary eyed in cars listening to the Kidz Bopz versions of those song as we try to make it to activities or home in time for the dreaded bedtime routine.
But while we are not as visible, we are playing an important role in the progress and growth of our community. We are raising the next generation of hearts and minds that will hopefully break down even more barriers that will continue to create a world we can just exist and easily thrive as gay men and women. We are breaking down barriers as we join PTA’s, volunteer at schools, go to play dates, and simply walk down the streets little hands in big hands as same sex families.
Our community is so beautiful and everyone has a place. And while some of you might not understand why gay men, especially, would want to have children just take step back and share some pride with these men. Raising kids isn’t for everyone and it is certainly not a choice that everyone has to make. The beauty is that we continue to gain the freedom to lead any type of lifestyle why want!
So please share some Pride this month with the gay families. Share some Pride with men and women who came out to their wives and husbands, knowing it would break this hearts, so they could live in their own truth and find true love. They can now raise their kids in true happiness. Share some Pride with families that get pregnant with donors and surrogates, many of whom never imagined that they could have a family and children especially their own biological ones. Share Pride with many same sex couple that are opening their homes to the thousands of kids who are in foster care. We know what it’s like to feel alone and hopeless at times so now we can share our love with kids who truly need it.
So as you all march through your cities celebrating our beautiful community, give a wink, blow a kiss, give a hug or nod to the many gay families that will be lining the streets this month. Show our kids what this community is all about and who they will be advocating for in the future. We are all in this together.
Happy Pride Everyone! Thank you for listening.
In this episode of the reluctant househusband, I learn the joys of relocating birds while also desperately trying to strip our deck of its old paint so it will match our pretty new stairs. All of this while I chase around our two crazy boys! Enjoy and feel free to share
I am a former teacher and wannabe fabulous gay man who is now a somewhat reluctant househusband to my two boys and my hard working husband. In the first episode of video blog series, you will see me working hard to get the yard up and running while planning two consecutive birthday celebrations! Enjoy!
We went to our new house first thing today! Eeeeek! It's so pretty, but it wasn't cleaned! So I'm going to put on 80's music and cut off jean shorts this Sunday and weeeerrkk people!
We met the old owners. They were super sweet but I guess we met the wife and her father in law. But I thought it was her husband who is 30 years older than her so I was a little grossed out at first.
Derrick is shopping for his Oregon car but I swear decision making for him is a chore. He is going to give himself an aneurism, but we will totally end up with a great car. The journey is just a treacherous one. Think Titanic but barely brushing the iceberg and everyone living!
We played the role of suburbia inhabitants and ate at Olive Garden! Everyone is white! Like Happy Valley is shockingly white and this is from a white guy. I miss my Asians especially the Chinese ladies who use to yell at us at dim sum!
I ended the night at therapy. (Read=Target). $500 later I'm ready for bed!!
Well we did it. We packed our stuff in shipping containers and sent it over the ocean. We had many sad goodbyes and we moved ourselves to Happy Valley / Portland Oregon. Here are some. thoughts on moving...
It sucks! Even when you have actual movers who pack you, it sucks.
You know I'm a teacher because I can heartlessly throw away anything...but office supplies. Seriosuly how many plastic bins and sharpies does one guy need? The answer is LOTS. So much so that even the movers commented. Lol! Back off my office supplies movers. When the zombie appocolyse happens I will be the one making the beautiful signs that might just save your life!!
Concurrently, Derrick can throw away NOTHING There were at least 2 nights I stayed up till 1 a.m playing the roll of thief in the night throwing away everything, except office supplies, while Derrick slept. He worries so much about being wasteful and really hated the environmental impact of moving. He hated how much plastic we threw away and how much paper the movers used. I totally accepted and admired that and became a total Craigslist entreprenaeur trying to sell anything and everything! When someone swung by to take the big red porch chair, Derrick said "someone paid money for that?" I was like "Damn right they did. I wanted 8 but they gave me 5. Those cheap bastards".
We we had a few nights of "house camping" which the boys loved. They kept moving their air beds from empty room to empty room. Kids are so cool.
Moving still sucks but this one went pretty smoothly
We ended our time in a beautiful hotel in Waikiki which was both amazing and depressing. We watched the sunrise over Diamond Head and the ocean for two days, knowing that we were moving to the Pacific Northwest in winter where it is suppose to be snowing when we arrive!! Yikes! Hotel was still worth it. They had a super fancy bidet that not only washed your bum but dryed it too! Sweet! Cleanliness is next to Godliness!
We arrived in Portland in the evening of 12/14/16 (my 34th birthday) to what would be called Snowmagedon. It was a total shit show. Snow. Icey roads. Abandon cars all over the place. It was kinda eerie driving to hotel. But it is freezing!! Hopefully we survive. But we are here and ready for the next chapter of life.
We go home today. We woke up early, of course!! We did some packing and decided to do some last minute shopping and some final visits with Derrick's family before we fly back. Our last day of shopping turns out to be our best. We shopped at Derrick's old mall and supermarket. We got all nostalgic about Derrick and the amazing man he has become. It was a great end of the trip.
We actually got an amazing chair massage at the airport while waiting for our flight. I think every airport should be required to have a massage parlor in their terminals. I should start a Facebook campaign or something.
My take always from Manila are all Derrick. He truly is an amazing man and I gained a better understanding of him. Empathy and understanding come from truly walking in someone else's shoes. Between the reunion and the extended time in Derrick's neighborhood this trip, I feel like a gained a deeper sense of where he comes from and how that shaped who he is today.
Until next time Manila, I am ready to be home with my buddies. I also have to get ready for this freaking move!!!! AAAACCCKK!!
Holy shit, it's December. We move in like 13 days to Portland, Oregon. Time is just flying by. We woke up to a nice Filipino breakfast. I was eating the dried salted fish everyone was raving about and almost ate the head and eye. Oh hell no! I know its good luck, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I mean, it is an eye ball.
We drove to seaport during school drop off, which looked just like drop off everywhere. The vehicles were different with kids being dropped on scooters and motorcycles. I absolutely loved the proud dad driving his daughter to school in here pristine school uniform on his motorcycle. She was sitting right in front and he was carefully driving with a big smile on his face. Yes! I'm missing my boys. Can you tell?
We took a boat to amazing remote island. It was stunning and unlike any other beach I have been too. We went snorkeling and the kelp forests are freaky. I tried to stay clear. However, Derrick found me and we had a nice ocean cuddle, but we ended up floating pretty far out. We needed to swim back over a giant kelp forrest. SO creepy! Then I saw a small stingray at the bottom of the giant kelp forest. A more rational person probably would have stopped and observed this amazing creature, but not me. I did my best Micheal Phelps impression and swam a personal best back the beach. I was not going to be stung by a sting ray. Girl not today!!!
I finally caught the boys after school and we had a great FaceTime. I am excited to see them in 2 days.
We ended the night with a Lee family dinner, which was by far the most gigantic one to date. I swore they were going to have to do CPR on me by the end, but I proudly took the path of least resistance and was a good son-in-law.
I passed out in a gigantic food coma in the hotel.
Right when we brought Dillon (our oldest son) we quickly realized we needed to think of what he would call us! He quickly named my husband Daddy and upon hearing his 2 year old friend call one of his 2 dads "Doda", Dillon decided on Dodie. After years of constantly lobbying for "Papa", I have grown to love and adore my name Dodie Here is a blog about my journey as Dillon and Jerry's Dodie!
My son Dillon was in foster care for 1,377 Days. We finalized our adoption of this firecracker boy in March of 2015 a few months before his 6th birthday. We are now in the process of adopting Dillon's younger brother "Jerry" from foster care! This blog will help paint a picture of two gay men raising two boys in this every changing world.